Respect

What is the epitome of respect?

Knocking on the fridge before you open it.

Now, what is the epitome of fear?

Someone answering.

Sometimes, the pursuit of respect can turn ourselves into a joke.

So, what is true respect?

The answer lies in this week's parashah.

Rav Shlomo Wolbe often remarked that many parshiyos in the Torah can be titled after a theme. For example, last week's Parashas Kedoshim was thematic of kedusha. If we had to give a descriptive title to Parashas Emor, Rav Wolbe said, that title would be kavod, respect.

Rav Wolbe elaborates: Hashem is beyond our understanding. He is "Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh," as we say in the first sentence of Kedushah—holier than we can comprehend. But the second sentence of Kedushah continues, "The earth is full of His Kavod (honor)." Whatever Hashem chooses to reveal of Himself in our world, in order that we may revere Him, we call His "Honor." Giving honor is, therefore, how we can connect to Him, and this week's parashah focuses on defining "honor" as the Torah views it.

As one learns the parashah through this lens, we can see how everything has to do with kavod. The parashah teaches us that a Kohen may not have a blemish. Why, asks Rav Wolbe, is the Kohen penalized for being born with a blemish? Why can’t he serve Hashem in the Beis Hamikdash just because he has a physical blemish? What did he do wrong?

Rav Wolbe explains that the Kohen did nothing wrong, but that’s not the point. The focus here is the kavod of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, which dictates that only a Kohen who has no blemish may serve in the Beis Hamikdash. A blemish is considered a manifestation of a spiritual malady or deficiency, and it is not respectful to represent Hashem in that state. The Kohen who has a blemish gives kavod to Hashem by not serving in the Beis Hamikdash. Thus, each Kohen fulfills Hashem’s will and honors Him, whether by serving in the Beis Hamikdash or by refraining from doing so.

The parashah also teaches us about the kavod of kehunah, delineating whom a Kohen is and is not allowed to marry; the stature of kehunah dictates that a Kohen marry only certain women. Then the Torah discusses the kavod of the Kohen Gadol, who may not become impure even for the closest relatives.

How is this honor?

 The Ramban explains that to understand this, one must realize that the original plan for man did not include death. It was only with the sin of man that death came into the picture. Therefore, death becomes a point of scorn for man, as it signifies sin. Anything that is a point of scorn is considered impure, so the Kohen Gadol cannot become impure even for his closest relatives. As a representative of Hashem, he needs to maintain a non-negotiable state of respect for Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

On the other hand, if there is a meis mitzvah (a deceased person with no one to bury him), the Kohen Gadol, who may not become impure for his own immediate family, is obligated to do so for the sake of this abandoned person. Why? Because of kavod habriyos. The honor of a human being who has no one to bury him overrides the Kohen Gadol’s requirement for purity. By having kavod habriyos, respecting others, we ultimately come to respect Hashem.

Similarly, when we respect our elders or our chachamim, we acknowledge a higher element that is worthy of respect and deference. As Rav Kook writes, every person should be respected because God created them, deeming it necessary for this person to be in our world. Therefore, by honoring humanity, we honor God, and through this, we elevate our understanding and appreciation of the divine. As Rav Wolbe writes, a person who does not give honor to others demonstrates that they do not appreciate the greatness of man in general.

Rav Sacks similarly wrote so poetically:

“In striving to listen to the more-than-human, human beings learned what it is to be human, for in discovering God, singular and alone, they eventually learned to respect the dignity and sanctity of the human person, singular and alone.”

The Ramchal teaches us that this idea further applies to self-respect. He explains that kavod is one of the greatest obstacles for a person. It is impossible for someone to be a faithful servant to their Creator as long as they are concerned about their own honor. In any case, they will need to diminish the honor of Heaven because of their foolishness. As Rav Sacks once said, “People do not win respect by insisting on the right to be respected. Respect is earned: that is what makes it respect.”

While inappropriate demands for self-respect should be curbed, there is still an element of self-respect that indeed leads to one becoming appropriately mechubad. This is better known as human dignity. When one dresses nicely, eats nicely, and talks nicely, one becomes a dignified person. Rav Wolbe explains that when one does not honor himself, lacks self-esteem, is overly self-deprecating, or does not dress respectably, he is diminishing his honor and not appreciating the gift that he is. Thus, the Gemara refers to clothing as “that which gives me honor,” and says that a Torah scholar who has a stain on his clothing is deserving of the death penalty. However, this does not mean seeking superficial displays of honor, like a seat in front of the shul. Rather, we should seek honor that reflects the holiness of God and of man’s soul.

Rav Yeruchem Levovitz explains another aspect of kavod as discussed in the parashah: Shabbos. Anyone who defiles Shabbos by doing melacha is considered a Mechalel Shabbos. Since Shabbos is kodesh, by defiling it, you make it chulin, thus becoming a mechalel. Aside from refraining from melacha to maintain its kedusha, we must also show kavod for Shabbos because it is holy. This means treating it differently than any other day. We wear special clothing, enjoy delicious meals, and avoid talking about business or other mundane topics on Shabbos because it is worthy of respect.

The parashah concludes with the incident of the mekallel. Rav Wolbe notes that the word kavod shares a root with kaved, which means serious or heavy. When a person assigns significance and weight to something, he gives kavod to it. What’s the opposite of kaved, heavy? Kal, which means light. That is the root of klalah, curse. When someone curses someone or something, he does not relate to that person or thing with the weightiness it deserves. Because he doesn’t take it seriously, he’s able to curse it.

A person must measure every situation according to this litmus test: will it bring honor to Hashem or not? Sometimes, not doing what seems more holy and proper is actually what will bring greater kavod to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. When we show that something is important and respect it, we ultimately give honor to Hashem. This can range from how we bury our dead to how we compliment a friend, how we dress to whom we impress (or some other rhyme that fits in). As my niece said, “When you respect someone, you recognize and appreciate that they have something unique to offer the world. This works for כבוד עצמו and ‘כבוד ה also...”

Ultimately, how we behave impacts how we feel. As the Sefer Hachinuch writes:

דע כי האדם נפעל כפי פעולותיו ולבו וכל מחשבותיו תמיד אחר מעשיו שהוא עוסק בהם אם טוב ואם רע … כי אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות

"Know that we are directly affected by our behaviors. Our hearts and thoughts always follow after the actions that we do, whether good or bad ... for the heart is drawn after behavior." — Sefer Hachinuch, Parashas Bo, mitzvah 16

Most people believe that they behave in accordance with how they feel. However, in this famous excerpt, the Sefer Hachinuch teaches us that the opposite is also true: counterintuitively, our thoughts and emotions are directly impacted by the way in which we behave.

The message of our parashah is that while we can have the kedushah, which comes from all the seemingly overlooked mitzvos, if we miss the critical ingredient of respect—whether it is respect for ourselves, each other, or Hashem—we cannot attain kedushah. In fact, we become the reverse, a mechalel.

We live in a world where respect often seems to have gone out the window. Yet, as a ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש (a kingdom of priests and a holy nation), we are representatives of Hashem and must do our utmost to maintain that respect, which ultimately becomes kavod Hashem.

As we navigate our daily lives, let's remember the profound impact our actions and attitudes have on ourselves and the world around us. By treating ourselves, others, and our traditions with the kavod they deserve, we elevate our own stature and the honor of Hashem.

Here's some food for thought: Reflect on how your behavior influences your thoughts and emotions. How can you enhance your self-respect and the respect you show others? In what ways can you bring more honor to Hashem through your daily actions?