The Moment

Thoughts on riding the pendulum of life

Everything that happens in the creative process of creation, is not by chance, there is an order and wisdom to everything. Moreover, there is a process as to how things play out. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 97) teaches us:

Six thousand years is the world. Two thousand years for the development of the world; two thousand years for the development of  Torah,  and two thousand years for the development of Mashiach. After the six thousand years, will be a time of Tikkun and Geula.

In the world we live in, we are bombarded with different ideas and events at a dizzying rate, we are tempted to look at the big picture and try to figure out where we are in the developmental process and when the process will bring Mashiach, perhaps and hopefully, even now. 

However, it is in fact more important to focus on the present, on the here and now. When you focus on the present, you are left feeling empowered and able to accomplish that much more in terms of the daily grind. 

We may look into ourselves and try to envision what our future will look like, what our unique mission in this world is and how we would like to implement it. Rebbe Nachman teaches us (Likutei Moharan 272) that it is important not to lose the forest for the trees, each moment we have a new mission, indeed our mission is to get to the next step. It is not necessarily a matter of seeing the larger picture, which we will see when we look back. When looking towards the future, we only need to look at the next step. 

When we take each matter as it comes and live in the moment, we are then able to focus on the moment and live it. This means we can learn to be aware of what we are thinking about in the present moment, what we are feeling, what triggers us and how it triggers us. Where we feel these triggers and how our emotions play a role in the moment to moment trivialities that make up life. 

Once we are more aware of our present-moment thoughts, feelings and emotions, we can then appreciate that each interaction or incident or sense came upon us in the exact moment it was meant to. This is part of the process of creation, this is called Hashgacha Pratis. There are times when we see clearly how the different events that happen are connected, and that is a blessing. There are times, when we do not clearly see the dots connecting, yet we see the dots and at the right time, when looking back, we will understand the blessing therein. 

One of the dots that came up when I was thinking about this, is a beautiful message from Rav Shlomo Katz, Rav Katz talks about the juxtaposition of Parshas chukas and Parshas Korach. The instruction for the Para Aduma which purifies the impure after the story of Korach. He explains:

 “Watching the ground open up and swallow people whole before his eyes, Moshe was riddled with a sense of doubt and guilt: “If only I was capable of giving over the Torah in a way that its eternal beauty could be properly heard, none of this would have ever happened.” Moshe experienced a level of death when witnessing the perfection of the Divine word be so horribly lost in transmission after leaving his heart.”

As Moshe experienced a level of death, even on a low scale, he had to now purify himself. 

There is an intense frustration that is felt when one shares his or her soul with another, yet there is no one on the other side. The message is not being heard. This frustration, says Rav Shlomo, is a particle of death itself. 

Reb Nachman (ibid. 184), however, puts this into another perspective. He explains that when you share with another, you create an energy in the world (an Ohr Chozer). This special energy is unique, in that whatever you share is reflected back onto you, regardless of whether the person accepted your inspiration or not. He likens it to bouncing a ball against the wall, where the ball will always come back to you. When the ball comes back, you bounce it again. The same is true for our relationships, when we share with another, the energy that was created when we shared from within, keeps on bouncing back.

My rebbe, Rav Gerzi, explained that Rebbe Nachman is teaching us that when we share something and give it over, we own it - we have a greater grasp on the matter at hand. You own that which you shared, you know that you had it in you and you pushed yourself to share it, once you shared, you are stronger for it, no matter how the person reacted. Instead of feeling dead from a negative reaction, we have the opportunity to feel alive. 

When I was in post-high school, my rebbe had us say over a shiur every week by heart, although at the time I both enjoyed the challenge yet couldn't understand the wider point, as the years went on, I realized that this was a fundamental lesson in owning that which is within us. When you give over a thought, a niggun or a shiur, it becomes yours and nobody can take that away from you. I may not remember those shiurim, but the impression sticks. 

This comes down to the idea of being present. You are here, own the moment and everything around it, your thoughts, feelings, emotions. Bring it in with you and be empowered. With this newfound empowerment,  you will be aware of the internal struggle, when inevitably someone is not receptive to you, yet you will be self secure in what you are doing. With this newfound empowerment, your reaction will not be about their reaction, but about your reaction, of feeling more self aware of the present.  When you are cognizant of the full experience of the present moment, you become a more wholesome and solid person. 

This is an important practice that can really help us as we go through the ups and downs of the pendulum of life. 

Be aware that you are giving, know what you are doing,  be aware of the emotion that you feel rejected, yet at the same time be present and feel empowered because you own it. Remember, this is a normal experience, even Moshe Rabbeinu went through this struggle. Most importantly remember that the energy that you created when you expressed the idea to begin with doesn't go away, it bounces back in your face in a good way and it gives you the strength to go further. 

Don't let your ego and instinct jump forth, rather, take a step back and let your real self come forward.